Sharlene Irving, MBA, knows well the emotional and physical toll of supporting a loved one struggling with addiction. She’s worked in drug and alcohol counseling for more than 40 years, and she’s witnessed a lot of devastation.

She’s also seen families heal.

“It takes forgiveness from both sides, which is something we try to stress to our participants,” says Irving, director of the Drexel Medicine Caring Together program, which was established to help women and their children overcome substance misuse “But, of course, family and friends need to protect themselves in the meantime.”

So much of the work that Irving and the clinic’s counselors do revolves around maintaining a dialogue, between the program staff and the women they’re counseling, the women and their family and friends, even the women and themselves. Basically, as long as there’s communication, there’s hope.

Even in families where there is some distance or detachment from the person dealing with addiction, people may still want to show support for their loved one. This can happen during the holidays (but also year round) through a variety of small gestures, Irving says, including dropping off a plate of food or bag of groceries, sending a greeting card with a phone card inside, and ensuring that their children will be available to talk to them.

With these offerings, it’s important to set boundaries. Irving says this will enable you to maintain a certain level of control in the situation and the relationship, which will lessen the likelihood of becoming burned out. Boundaries will vary by personal preference. Some ideas recommended by Irving include:

If there have been issues previously, you could ask a family member or mutual friend to act as a mediator. For example, you could prepare dinner and then leave a plate at the mediator’s home for the loved one to pick up there.

You could also register for a free virtual phone number through the Google Voice app, which would keep your cell number private.

Whatever boundaries you decide on, it's important to be consistent. Make sure you do whatever you say you’re going to do and continue doing it through the challenging episodes that may come. You can always strengthen your boundaries, but avoid issuing ultimatums, which can shut down communication.

If you and your loved one need additional support, Caring Together counselors and the peer support team are available to check in on loved ones, especially around the holidays.

“What people with addiction need most during their recovery is to know that someone cares about them, that someone is willing to listen to what they’re going through,” Irving says.

The same can be said of the family and friends trying to support them. Consider talking to a mental health provider or a support group like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. After all, healing can occur only when everyone involved is ready for it, says Irving

To schedule an appointment at Caring Together, call 215.967.2130. Referrals are not necessary.